The Toxic Side of Growth Mindset
(And What It Really Takes to Grow)
So you’ve got a “growth mindset.”
You believe in self-improvement. You want to “evolve”. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, probably even highlighted a few Brené Brown quotes. But here’s the thing...
If growth mindset is supposed to be so empowering, why do you feel stuck, stressed, and like you’re (quietly) failing?
Let’s talk about what no one tells you :
Sometimes, growth mindset becomes a trap — especially for millennial women (raised by Boomer who equated emotions with weakness and productivity with self-worth).
How Growth Mindset Got Hijacked
Growth mindset originally came from the research of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. The core idea? That our abilities and intelligence aren’t fixed — that we can learn, adapt, and grow with effort over time.
It’s a great concept... until it got hijacked by capitalistic hustle culture.
Now, “growth mindset” often gets misused as a rebrand of toxic positivity :
“Every challenge is an opportunity.”
“Stay positive and keep going.”
“If you’re not growing, you’re standing still.”
This kind of messaging doesn’t fuel growth. It inflames shame. Because when you do feel overwhelmed, anxious, or burnt out, (which you inevitably will — because you’re a human — not a robot) you start questioning if you’re just not doing it the right way.
The Emotional Cost of a Misused Mindset
When we turn growth mindset into a constant performance, we don’t give ourselves space to be human. We end up :
Suppressing uncomfortable emotions
Judging ourselves for “negative” feelings
Associating rest with failure
Measuring worth by productivity
And that creates a quiet shame spiral :
“If I was really growing, I’d be over this by now.”
“If I had the right mindset, I wouldn’t feel this way.”
“What’s wrong with me that I can’t stay positive?”
The answer? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.
A Better Way to Understand Growth
Here’s what growth actually looks like :
Sometimes it’s bold. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it looks like crying on the couch and not making that mean anything about your value as a person.
A true growth mindset sounds more like :
“I can feel overwhelmed and still take action.”
“I can rest and still be ambitious.”
“I can slow down without losing momentum.”
Growth isn’t about pretending things are fine. It’s about expanding your capacity to hold the hard stuff without spiraling or shutting down.
Why This Matters for Millennial Entrepreneurs
If you’re building your own business, your strategy matters — and so does your emotional health.
A performative growth mindset will push you into burnout, keep you making fear-based decisions, and have you doubting yourself every step of the way.
But a humane growth mindset (one rooted in your humanity, not outdated hustle culture)? That’s what leads to sustainable success (which is ultimately what we all want).
You don’t need to be endlessly optimistic. You need to be emotionally honest.
Final Thoughts
You’re not broken, lazy, or falling behind.
You’re just tired of performing an outdated belief that was never designed to hold your full humanity.
If you’re ready to redefine what growth looks like — and feel more grounded while doing it — start by giving yourself permission to feel everything, not just the “positive” stuff.
Want support learning how to feel your feelings without losing momentum?
👉 Download my free Feel Your Feelings audio + workbook here.
