Do You Want or Need?
The other day I was talking with a girlfriend about future endeavors. Work, school, and this time, specifically about buying a home. She mentioned how her partner wanted to move to RandomTown USA because the houses were less expensive out there and new real estate was being built. She was excited but didn’t seem overly thrilled about the idea. As we kept talking we were playing around with different scenarios and I asked if money was a determining factor in the move to RandomTown. She said it was and when I asked if she and her partner had more money if they would still move there, she said probably not.
This got me thinking. How many of our decisions are made out of necessity versus desire? And if most of them are made from necessity, what would life look like if more and more of them could be made from our truest desires?
What would it look like to create a bigger more abundant life instead of staying small to fit inside the one that is seemingly right in front of you?
But there’s more (there’s always more right?). What if we didn’t even know how often we were choosing necessity instead of desire? What if our previous experiences and interactions had left a blueprint on our brains that made it feel like we NEEDED to choose to live in the less expensive area instead of believing that we could make more money or change our situation around so that we could afford to live where we DESIRED to?
Through my own journey, through working with clients, and through some good ol’ introspection and journaling, this is my five step guide to moving from a space of fear, scarcity, and necessity to growth, expansion, and desire:
1. Awareness: They always say awareness is the first step, and it’s because there is literally no other way to get to the next level if you don’t know where you’re at right now. It would be like typing directions into Google maps or your GPS and when it’s time to put in your current location, you just enter a big ol’ question mark. How can you get to B, if you don’t know where A is? So willingly (and also with a little playfulness - that always helps) ask yourself where you’re at right now. No judgment, just a mapping out of where your “A” starting point is.
2. Desire: And I don’t just mean desire to have desire (though that’s important too). What I really mean is desire to become a different version of the person you are today. If you want something you’ve never had before, you cannot keep operating from the same level of consciousness, from the same brain space as you’re operating from right now or as you have been operating from before, it’s just not possible. You have to become OK with saying goodbye to some parts (or maybe the whole thing) of the person you are today. Our egos tell us that we must preserve ourselves and protect ourselves, but in order to do this work you need to be OK with shedding skins.
3. Readiness: This is different than desire. A lot of people think that if they want to change something then that must mean that they’re ready to change it. Readiness is that grey space between desire and action. Desire is saying you want to become more fit. Readiness is driving by the gym to find out where it is. Action (see below) is going inside to sign up for the membership.
4. Action: You can know the things but if you never apply the things then you will continue to just know the things. You won’t understand them. You won’t embody them. You will never accept them as your new reality. Knowing is different than doing. Doing creates a level of knowing that cannot be achieved in any other way except by the doing. Action can be big or small, but it requires a new level of commitment that the other steps don’t entail and creates space for consistency (see below) so that your new way of being/living/acting becomes second nature.
5. Consistency: If action is actually signing up for the gym membership, consistency is making sure you get to know the receptionist’s name because you’ve been there so frequently. Consistency helps makes behavior second nature so that what once felt foreign now happens without a second thought, freeing up your time and energy to conquer even more fabulous desires and goals.
If you follow the steps listed above, you will absolutely see the life that you truly DESIRE begin to emerge and actually crowd out the old life of necessity. And in so many ways, it will also become a recyclable loop in that as soon as you get to the end, you start back over because you’re always changing and growing. So when you’ve reached the end of one layer of readiness, action, and consistency, then it becomes time to move on to the next level of awareness, desire, readiness, action, and consistency.
Until when? Well, that .. that I don’t have the answer to yet. In the meantime, it’s about enjoying the process of finding deeper and deeper layers to pull back and playing (yes playing) in the lessons and revelations that each one unearths.