How to Create a Life You Love
Do you play the victim in your life?
I never thought I did.
I had been to therapy. I had done the mindset work. I was aware.
Or at least I thought.
It wasn’t until I realized I was going nowhere fast that I had to wake up.
It wasn’t until I realized I was still so afraid to take action that I had to question what was really holding me back.
It wasn’t until I realized I was fooling myself by believing that I needed a “little more time” (for what exactly, I’m not really sure but that’s what it felt like).
Because the truth was I was still waiting on other people and other situations to put myself out there, to do the things that were important to me, and to set goals I knew I could achieve so I could create a life that was way better than the one I was living.
Get out your tiny violins because that’s the sad song I was singing.
I’ll be honest. I had to check myself (before I wrecked myself).
The reality was I was miserable. I was miserable because I was playing so small. I was keeping myself small. I had tricked myself into believing that I didn’t have big dreams or didn’t care about achieving certain milestones so I wouldn’t have to put myself out there.
I said things like:
“I don’t care about the money, I just want to help people”
“Rich people are snooty, I never want to be like that”
“I do this because it’s my passion, not because I want to be a millionaire”
When I think back to those days, I can see the fear bleeding through those statements. Those were statements spoken by a girl who was afraid to reach her true potential. Who was afraid to be wrong. Who was afraid of what people would think of her if she both loved what she did and was financially successful at it.
That girl is gone now (thank goodness). I said goodbye to her awhile ago.
These are a few of my favorite things that allow me to create a life I love :
1. Acknowledgment : Get real with yourself. Are you not doing things because you really don’t want to or because you’re afraid of what will happen if you do? Sometimes when we take on new projects, do things we’ve never done before, or strive for goals we’re not 100% sure we can reach, it forces us to be uncomfortable. That’s OK! It’s totally normal. BUT .. it requires a good hard look at yourself to determine where the “I don’t want to” statements are coming from. Meditation (seated or active) and journaling are some of my favorite ways to get to the root of these kinds of statements. Ask yourself questions like “how would I feel if I didn’t do X?” and “how would I feel if I did do Y?” and then free write on whatever comes up for you.
2. Get out of your own way : Once you have the awareness from Step 1, it’s time to get out of your own way. We are often our own worst enemies (and critics) because we’re not actually afraid of what the other person will say, but instead we’re afraid of how we’ll feel after they say it. But here’s the cool thing about that. You have 100% control over how you respond to any situation that may come up. My favorite way to turn around feeling shitty after someone says something that has the potential to hurt my feelings is to ask myself if I believe it. If I say yes then I can acknowledge that maybe there is some truth to whatever the person has said and work on how I can improve it (should I choose to do so). If I don’t believe it then I get to forget it (and know that it likely has a lot more to do with how that person feels about themselves or some other situation that they’re going through and they’re just projecting that onto me).
3. Visualize! : This is a big one. Once you’ve realized that you’ve been holding yourself back, that you have control over how you respond to EVERY single situation that you’re presented with, then the fun can begin. Now it’s time to plan your new life. Who do you want to become? Who do you desire to be? What lifestyle does this new person live? How does she carry herself? How does she respond to positive people? Negative ones?
Once you have a pretty good idea in your head, it’s time to start implementing. Throughout your day to day life, when you’re presented with various situations, start thinking what this future version of you would do in the situation at hand. And then actually do that thing! The more you do it, the more natural it will become and before you know it you’ll have created a life that more closely resonates with your true self than ever before.
So now ask yourself, are you doing things because you desire to do them or because you’re afraid of doing something else? The fear of doing the thing you’ve been afraid to do might feel overwhelming, but the dissatisfaction of staying small your entire life is suffocating.
We were put here on this gorgeous Earth to thrive and grow, not just survive.
Are you thriving or surviving? I’d love to know in the comments below.