Babies Aren't Assholes
Ok so run with me on this one for a second.
Have you ever met a baby who was an asshole?
I’m guessing probably not. I know I haven’t.
You may be wondering where I’m going with this so hear me out.
My sister and I were talking the other night about things that sisters talk about .. life, love, our family .. ya know, the usual.
We were talking about how our current behavior is often so influenced by how we grew up, things we witnessed in our immediate (and extended) family, and how those past events could impact our future behaviors.
She said something to the effects of “well maybe I was born with it.”
To which I replied “but babies aren’t assholes.”
I was honestly surprised when the words came out of my mouth but it’s so true that I decided to run with it.
Babies aren’t assholes. There’s not a single child on this planet who was born vindictive, manipulative, judgemental or condescending. We learn these things. As children we are sponges. Dry, unused sponges.
What happens when you put a single drop of water on a dry sponge? It soaks it up like a hitchhiker in the desert. What happens when you put loads of single drops of water on a dry sponge? Eventually it absorbs it all and becomes wet.
Children are born sponges. As babies (and then toddlers and eventually children, teenagers, and young adults) they are watching and taking in EVERYTHING around them. Each situation molds them, for better or worse, building thin layers of experience around their tiny bodies and souls.
If the situations have been anything less than pleasant, the thin layers often begin to build against each other and harden, forming layers like an onion, except with a more protective shell. And then it is these layers that make people vindictive, manipulative, judgmental, or condescending. These layers are what keeps people fearful, stuck, and believing that they must’ve just been born with these not so pleasant behaviors because why on Earth would anyone actually choose to feel like that.
But that’s the thing. They weren’t born with it, but it also wasn’t a choice. Vindictive behavior, manipulation, judgments, and condescension are all protective mechanisms. They are protective ways of keeping the weight, the pressure, that expectation of future unpleasant experiences away from our already guarded souls.
And so what is the solution? How do we get out of the seemingly endless loop of negative experiences and protective behaviors?
We must go backward.
We must unravel and undo the layers that we have built in order to protect ourselves. We must strip away the sheets of safety so that we can get back to our true selves. The selves that are more like newborns and less like onions.
Want to know how to peel back the layers and embrace your true self? Enter your name and email below for (the free) part II of this series!