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Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Part V

Recently I traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Boston, MA.  The trip took me approximately 6 days and I covered roughly 2600 miles.  As I was driving I realized there were quite a few similarities between various life lessons about confidence and my experience making the trek across the country.

This move meant so much more to me than just changing my geographical location and heading back to my hometown because in so many ways I also felt it was an expression of my own coming home to myself.  I decided to make significant changes in my business in addition to the significant change in my latitude and longitude and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I decided to compile my thoughts in a five part blog series entitled Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Life Lessons on Confidence (from a cross-country road trip).  

This is Part V: 

8. It’s Hard to Take Risks When You Don’t Feel Safe

Day 1 of my journey consisted of Arizona and New Mexico.   If you’ve been, you know -- there ain’t a whole lot there.  In fact, there is so much nothingness that I lost cell service for more than two consecutive hours.  Nothing, nada, not one lone little bar popped up; just a seemingly permanent “No Service” sign on my screen.  

To say I was scared would have been an understatement.  The first moments were amusing but by the bottom half of two hours, I was genuinely frightened.  My thoughts turned from adventure seeking to thinking about sleeping in my car for the night and if desert animals would eat a 33 year old female and her precious pup?  I felt like I was using gas faster than normal (I wasn’t really but a frightened mind exaggerates things) and began somewhat frantically searching for a gas station.

Eventually though, I got through the desert, service was returned to my phone, and I found a gas station.  Fast forward to Day 2 and realized I was getting low on gas.  “I’ll be fine” I thought.  “I can fill up once I get to the hotel”.  As soon I had that thought I realized something. 

It’s hard to take risks when you don’t feel safe and taking risks is a huge part of building confidence because we have to show ourselves that we’re capable of doing the thing(s) we think we cannot do (but really really want to).

Almost 100% of my trek across New Mexico was fear ridden and when we’re frightened, we automatically go on high alert.  Our natural instincts kick in to try and protect us and with that we amplify everything so that we’re fully prepared.  By the time I got to Oklahoma though and had full cell service, I was back to feeling adventurous and excited.  

So my question is, where could you give yourself more support with the intention of creating a safety net of sorts from which to leap?  Remember, we can take beneficial healthy risks when we feel safe to do so, so if the net is there you’re more likely to do even just a little bit of the thing you want to do but are just too scared to do (yet).     

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9. Full Expression of Emotions Means Confidence in Every Situation

There were times during the trip that I was not comfortable, that I got hungry but didn’t have food with me, or had to pee but the next rest stop wasn’t for 109 miles.  Those times were not fun.  Did I complain?  Hell yea!  Did I get annoyed at myself that I should’ve just stopped at the last rest stop?  100%! 

But did I let myself stay there?  Not a chance in hell.  

Why?  Because if I had then the entire trip would’ve been ruined.  I was in a car for (almost) 7 days straight.  If I had stayed in that frustrated space (or snowballed into something worse) I never would have made it.  

The same is true with confidence.  Of course there are moments where you feel more afraid or unsure than you’d like.   

Is it ok to go to that space?  I believe absolutely.  If we don’t express our emotions then we lose confidence in who we are as humans and our ability to communicate emotion in a productive way.  We need to be able to express ourselves fully and that means acknowledging the negative, doubtful emotions.  

But only enough to express your thoughts and feelings and expel that excess energy.  And then you need to move on.  I say this coming from the space of someone who used to regularly dwell on negative emotion.  I would brew and stew and ruminate until the next negative feeling came along and then I would add it onto the first thing and snowball it into one giant sob fest.

It wasn’t until I realized that staying with the negative, doubtful emotion for too long was the problem.  By believing that I either had to be 100% happy (or 100% miserable) I was preventing myself from experiencing a full range of feelings which made me feel like I was about to burst at the seams and in turn made me significantly less confident about my abilities to handle myself in different situations.   

Could you use a moment to vent?  Me too.  Set a timer for three minutes with the intention that you’re going to write or talk your heart out but then move on with your day.  When the timer goes off, take a moment to reflect on how you feel then acknowledge that those thoughts and feelings don’t define you and use that awareness to step forward into a space that benefits you instead of drains you.   

Are you afraid if you go to that dark space you won't be able to get out?  I totally used to feel the same way but there are tricks to use to help pull yourself out and teach yourself that that's not where you want to stay.  Book a complimentary call to find out how HERE.  Can't wait to chat. 

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Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Part IV

Recently I traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Boston, MA.  The trip took me approximately 6 days and I covered roughly 2600 miles.  As I was driving I realized there were quite a few similarities between various life lessons about confidence and my experience making the trek across the country.

This move meant so much more to me than just changing my geographical location and heading back to my hometown because in so many ways I also felt it was an expression of my own coming home to myself.  I decided to make significant changes in my business in addition to the significant change in my latitude and longitude and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I decided to compile my thoughts in a five part blog series entitled Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Life Lessons on Confidence (from a cross-country road trip).  

This is Part IV:

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7.  If Consistency is King, Then Mindset is Queen

On Day One I went from Scottsdale, AZ to Albuquerque, New Mexico.  It took me about 7 hours.  When I arrived, I was tired but as I was sitting there relaxing and catch up on work I just kept thinking “but I could be driving”.  

Needless to say, on Day Two I decided to go from  Albuquerque, New Mexico to Tulsa, OK.  It was a nine hours drive and by hour six, I was done.  After what felt like my 100th pitstop (to try and break up the drive and let the pup move her legs a bit) I did not want to get back in that car.  

Want to know why I did?  Because of my mindset.  As I was driving and anytime I would start to wonder how long the trip was going to take, I reminded myself that this move was something I really wanted to do.  I told myself that if I was leisurely lounging at the hotel I’d be thinking about driving.  When I started to get even more restless I would tell myself (outloud) what a good job I was doing, how much progress I was making, and how excited I was to make the move.     

It worked.  I arrived on time, and while tired, I felt good, and was proud of getting that far. More importantly, I wasn’t completely dreading getting back in the car for Day Three which meant I could continue my adventure without skipping a beat.   

Mindset (and self-talk) is everything.  

Building confidence (overall or for a specific event) is no different.  Our bodies and minds believe what we tell them which means that at any moment you have the choice to believe something different.  What would it look like if you believed with every fiber of your being that you could do the thing you’re feel afraid to do?    

Not sure how to create positive self-talk on your own?  It can feel challenging at first but so delicious once you know the formula.  Book a call HERE to create your own unique game plan so you can develop a mindset that allows you to handle that fear and anxiety and do the things that scare you (but you secretly want to do so badly)!  Can't wait to chat with you.   
  
 

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Part III

Recently I traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Boston, MA.  The trip took me approximately 6 days and I covered roughly 2600 miles.  As I was driving I realized there were quite a few similarities between various life lessons about confidence and my experience making the trek across the country.

This move meant so much more to me than just changing my geographical location and heading back to my hometown because in so many ways I also felt it was an expression of my own coming home to myself.  I decided to make significant changes in my business in addition to the significant change in my latitude and longitude and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I decided to compile my thoughts in a five part blog series entitled Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Life Lessons on Confidence (from a cross-country road trip). 

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This is Part III:

5. Your Body Always Knows Best

I quickly realized that spending my days on the road was not something that I wanted to do more of than I needed to so I mapped out an exact route with a detailed plan of when and how I would arrive.  So detailed that there was a moment in the beginning where I didn’t want to stop (outside of my planned bathroom breaks).  

After enough wiggling and wriggling (from myself .. and the dog), it became apparent on one leg of the trip that we just needed to make time for an extra break.  I found the next safest stop and pulled over so we could stretch our legs and relieve our bladders.  As we got back in the car, I told myself that the break was necessary and we’d just have to make up for the “lost” time on the next leg.  But then I remembered my promise of consistency (aka #4).  Instead of speeding up, I turned the cruise control back on and kept my speed at an even keel through the remainder of that day’s travels.  And ya wanna know what?  We arrived on time.  

My takeaway when it comes to building your confidence?  Listening to your body is good for the soul and actually helps to build the confidence to trust yourself.  In New Mexico I had created a well designed and easily implementable plan but the reality of being on the road meant that I was forced to listen to myself and my body’s wants and needs as they presented themselves.  

Here’s the thing.  Confidence is doing the things that you’re afraid to do but deep down really want to but it’s also about having the courage to be yourself in a world where everyone else is trying to put you in a box of some sort.  So I leave you with this:  where you can tune into yourself a little more today?  What is your body trying to tell you that you could acknowledge and take on action on?        

6. It’s.  All.  Relative.     

Lemme give you an example.  The first day of the trip I did 6.5 hours, give or take.  I was tired when I got to the hotel but as soon as I settled in, caught up on some work and rested a bit, I started thinking “but I could be driving, I’m not *that* tired”.  

Cue to Day 2 where I decided to go from Albuquerque, NM to Tulsa, OK.  That’s a 9 hour drive, but remember, “I could be driving” .. so I decided to make the trek and a 9 hour drive quickly turned into a 10.5 hour trip and Tulsa, OK was beginning to look like a great FINAL destination. 

On Day 3, I decided to pace it out and promised myself that it was OK if we arrived to the hotel with enough time to eat and relax before collapsing into bed (who knew driving could be so exhausting?!).  The drive ended up being about 6 hours long and felt like a total breeze.  

Takeaway?  It’s all relative.  The thing you feel scared to do now will feel like nothing at this time next year if you learn how to build the confidence to do it right now.  But if you wait and hem and haw and put it off, it’s likely to feel even bigger than it does now the next time you circle back to it.  

Is there something in your life that feels overwhelming to you right now?  Maybe like it’s too much to handle or take on?  Can you reframe it?  Can you put it into context next to something bigger?  (And in no way am I trying to say that what you’re trying to accomplish or are going through is small potatoes, but it can be enormously helpful to put everything into context of other things.)  When we focus on just the singular event we are more likely to create stories in our mind that may not be 100% accurate but when placed in context next to other events/situations/people or experiences, it’s easier to see that everything is always all relative. 

Unsure of how to re-frame or want some help pulling all of this together?  A complimentary Confidence Creation call could be just the thing you need.  In 45 minutes you'll figure out what is stopping you or holding you back, what areas you need to take specific action in, and a game plan on how to move forward.  Book your call HERE.  

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Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Part II

Recently I traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Boston, MA.  The trip took me approximately 6 days and I covered roughly 2600 miles.  As I was driving I realized there were quite a few similarities between various life lessons about confidence and my experience making the trek across the country.

This move meant so much more to me than just changing my geographical location and heading back to my hometown because in so many ways I also felt it was an expression of my own coming home to myself.  I decided to make significant changes in my business in addition to the significant change in my latitude and longitude and I honestly couldn’t be happier.

I decided to compile my thoughts in a five part blog series entitled Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Life Lessons on Confidence (from a cross-country road trip).  

This is Part II:

3. Celebrate the Small Victories

On the first day of driving, I made it to Albuquerque, NM (coming from AZ).  I was tired from the long drive and making sure I was still going in the right direction (I lost service (and GPS) for more than two hours at one point), but when I got to the hotel and had settled in without any acknowledgement of how far I actually had gotten, I started having thoughts of “but I’m only in Albuquerque, I could be driving right now”.

I think sometimes (ok, most times) we get so focused on our larger goal or on making something happen on a grand scale that we forget to stop and celebrate along the way.  I think we’re fearful that if we celebrate too early that we’ll give up.

It’s no different when building confidence.  If the end goal is to be able to feel confident enough to leave your job and start your own business but the “only” steps you’ve taken so far are getting your first client and setting up your website it can be tempting to focus on the fact that you’re still at your full time job when the reality is that getting your first client can be one of the most challenging obstacles you’ll face and something to be completely celebrated.

So I would invite you to think about where you can celebrate the steps you’ve made in boosting your confidence even by one degree today?  What did you do differently or what did you do that you wouldn’t have done before?  Once you have your thing(s), set a timer for 1 minute and just acknowledge that you did it.  If you need to, you can remind yourself that you’re doing this not with the intention that you’re stopping or slowing down, but instead that you’re cheering yourself on along the way.  

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4. Consistency is King 

As I continued on my journey from Albuquerque to Tulsa, OK I realized that the only way I was going to get there was by settling in and just driving.  I had started out passing the cars that I felt like were going less than a desirable speed, and making sure that I was leading the pack so to say.  I continued this way for a few hours until it was time for a bathroom break.  As I pulled back onto the freeway, I came upon a car that I had annoyingly jumped ahead of miles and miles back.  In that moment, I realized that all my “leading of the pack” hadn’t gotten me anywhere.  This car, on the other hand, had probably been doing the same speed all along, and arrived at the same stopping point that I had just a moment or two afterwards.  

After that, I backed off, and started using the cruise control.  Set at an even 75 mph (the speed limit, thank goodness on most of the major cross country roads), I arrived to my destination, on time peacefully, and most importantly, in one piece.

How does this apply to building confidence?  Because how often do you do something that scares you and feel really good about it only to hide in the comforts of your routine or what’s familiar the next day?  Or you reach out to make a collaboration or submit a piece of content to get published only to fall off the face of the earth for the next three weeks?  This is the same as my rushing to pull ahead of the traffic only to get back on the freeway next to the same car I had passed before.  

Where could you be more consistent in your efforts to build your confidence?  Could you break your goal down into smaller pieces so that each time you accomplish a little nugget it’s a boost in the right direction?  What would it look like if you did?

Want to know a few ways to increase your consistency while building your confidence?  Book a call HERE -- I'd love to hear from you!

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Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Part I

Recently I traveled from Scottsdale, AZ to Boston, MA.  The trip took me approximately 6 days and I covered roughly 2600 miles.  As I was driving I realized there were quite a few similarities between various life lessons about confidence and my experience making the trek across the country.

This move meant so much more than just changing my geographical location and going home because I also felt it was an expression of my own coming home to myself in so many ways.  I decided to make significant changes in my business in addition to the significant change in my latitude and longitude and I honestly couldn’t be happier.  

I decided to compile my thoughts in a four part blog series entitled: Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost : Life Lessons on Confidence (from a cross-country road trip).  

This is Part I: ...

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